You can't special order awesome
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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