Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
