FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
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