he shaved USA in his pubs
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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