I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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