just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
