Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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