forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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