mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
