I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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