So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
