Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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