she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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