Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
