Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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