Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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