OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
