I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
