I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
