Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
i just made my gag reflex go away.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
