I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
