So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Randomize
