I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
