I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
there's paper in my vomit.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
