I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
