I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
