Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
