i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
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