I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
