so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
