How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
