He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
