I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
We have started to decorate penises.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
