Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
NoShamevember. You game?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
