I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
