But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
