I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
