He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
