ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
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