no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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