If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
