Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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