Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
