i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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