Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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