Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
What a dumb baby whore.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
