Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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