I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
NoShamevember. You game?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
