Betty ford says i'm here all night
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I would fuck him just for his dog
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Randomize
