brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
