just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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