considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
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