party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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