If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
