Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
